Protecting your self-esteem in sports: no one has the right to tear you down!
In the world of sports, feedback and criticism are part of the game. Coaches are there to push you, challenge you, and help you improve. But sometimes, their words can feel harsh, cutting into your confidence and self-esteem. The truth is, no one—not even your coach—has the right to tear down your sense of self-worth. If you’re giving your best effort, it’s crucial not to take criticism personally. This doesn’t mean that it’s okay for anyone to speak to you disrespectfully; rather, it’s about learning how to protect your mental health and resilience when faced with difficult feedback.
The reality of sports: highs, lows, and harsh words
Playing sports reflects the highs and lows of life. You’ll face victories and defeats, encouragement and criticism. When your coach’s words sting, it’s easy to internalize them, leading to self-doubt and a hit to your self-esteem. But remember, the way you handle these moments on the field or court is preparing you for life beyond sports.
So, how can you maintain your confidence and protect your mental health when faced with tough coaching?
Here’s a step-by-step plan to help you keep your self-esteem intact and grow stronger from setbacks:
1. Check-In with yourself: acknowledge your effort
When you receive harsh feedback or feel criticized, pause and ask yourself these key questions:
- Am I doing my best?
If the answer is yes, then remind yourself that your effort matters more than perfection. You’re not expected to be flawless; you’re expected to show up and try. - Is practice the place to try new things and make mistakes?
Absolutely. Training is where you learn, experiment, and refine your skills. Mistakes are a necessary part of growth, not something to be ashamed of. - Does what the coach said hurt my feelings?
Acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to feel hurt, disappointed or frustrated by what was said. Your emotions are valid, but they don’t define your worth as an athlete or a person.
2. Put criticism in perspective
Not every piece of feedback you receive is a reflection of your ability or value. Sometimes, coaches have their own stresses, biases or ways of communicating that aren’t always constructive. When criticism feels personal, take a step back and consider:
- The intent behind the feedback: coaches usually want to help you improve, even if their delivery isn’t perfect. Try to extract the useful parts of their advice and let go of the tone or harshness that might come with it.
- What can you learn? even from negative experiences, there’s always something to learn. Ask yourself, “What can I take from this feedback to become better?” Focus on the lesson, not the criticism itself.
- Don’t attach your self-worth to performance: remember, your value as a person isn’t tied to how well you perform. You are worthy and enough, regardless of a single game, training session, or comment.
3. Build mental resilience: The Mindset of a Champion
The greatest athletes aren’t the ones who never face setbacks—they’re the ones who bounce back from them. Use these moments to build resilience and keep your self-esteem above the surface:
- Reframe negative thoughts: when you catch yourself spiraling into self-doubt, challenge those thoughts. Replace “I’m not good enough” with “I’m learning and growing with every experience.”
- Develop a pre-game and post-game routine: have a ritual that grounds you, whether it’s a few moments of deep breathing, a motivational mantra, or a quick journal entry reflecting on what you did well.
- Celebrate small wins: after every practice or game, acknowledge something you did well. It doesn’t have to be a big achievement—recognize your effort, your perseverance, or even just showing up with a positive attitude.
4. Cultivate self-compassion
At the end of the day, the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, patience, and understanding, just as you would a friend going through the same challenges. When you show up for yourself in this way, you build an unshakeable foundation of confidence that no external criticism can break.
The bigger picture: sport as a life lesson
Sports are a mirror of life. They teach us about hard work, resilience, teamwork, and handling criticism. By learning to manage tough feedback and setbacks in sports, you’re equipping yourself with skills that will serve you well beyond the field. Remember, no one—coach, peer, or opponent—gets to define your worth. Your value is intrinsic, and it’s rooted in who you are, not just what you do.
Protect your self-esteem, nurture your mental health, and play your sport with the joy and passion that brought you to it in the first place. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect—it’s about showing up, giving your best, and learning to stand strong in who you are!
Parents, coaches….watch this very interesting video from John O’Sullivan -Changing the game in youth sports-
